11.16.08

Rerenaming names

Posted in assorted weird crap at 1:46 pm by Bill Brohaugh

Yesterday I wrote about an English teentwit who officially changed his name to “Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined.” This will, I predict, prove to present some difficulty when applying for credit cards, wooing young ladies, and making dinner reservations.

So perhaps there’s another tack that can be taken by Mr. CFFTSSBWHATFC (hmm, as I write out that initialism, the evocative nature of the last six letters amuses me). Perhaps he can go by his Secret Service code name.

People protected by the U.S. Secret Service are assigned one-word code names for several reasons:

  1. Simplicity
  2. The inability to properly pronounce “Obama”
  3. Watching too many reruns of The Man From U.N.C.L.E.

Obama’s new code name, by the way, is Renegade, which I believe to be a clever mockery of the previously opposing “maverick.” The new first lady (would “First Lady-Elect” be the proper phrasing?) is Renaissance, and the kids are Radiance and Rosebud. Alliteration is, of course, intentional. Mr. and Mrs. Bush (the latest ones) are Tumbler and Tempo, respectively; the elder Mr. and Mrs. Bush were Timberwolf and Tranquility. Mr. and Mrs. Clinton were Eagle and Evergreen (with Chelsea taking Energy—don’t mean to dash your 2012 code name hopes, Gov. Palin). The Bidens? Celtic and Capri; I heard a TV reporter pronounce Mr. B’s code as “Seltic” as in the basketball team instead of “Keltic” as in the European people. The reporter was either ignoring the alliterative nature of the code names, or believed that capri is pronounce “sapree.”

ChannelOne.com has a Secret Service code name generator, which actually isn’t a whole lot of fun because all you do is click a button and it displays a single word as your new code name. (I was Staircase, by the way; walk all over me.) Still, it might benefit Mr. CFFTSSBWHATFC in getting something bold but shorter.

A bit more fun is a Unitarian Jihad name generator, inspired by a wacky but delightful Jon Carroll column. My Unitarian Jihad Name is Brother Peaceful Plasma Rifle of Wisdom. Even that is better than what young Mr. CFFTSSBWHATFC came up with.

And to continue the initialisms:

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