09.24.08
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Wake up, kiddies. Time to open your parens (short for parentheses in the publishing world) under the punctuation tree. But remember, this day, some of Brohaugh’s important punctuation rules:
- Use exclamation points sparingly. As I’ve often said, two exclamation points side by side resemble the crutches that they are.
- Always jam a hyphen into the anal-retentive. As I’ve mentioned before, the slogan “There is a hyphen in anal-retentive” (which persnickitors know well, as many of them walk as if the hyphen is firmly placed in personal regions) is available on T-shirts and other paraphernalia at nationalpunctuationday.com.
- Ignore persnickitors who demand elliptical adherence to the rule that ellipses are used only to indicate deleted words. Punctuation began as a timing device . . . cheer the beauty of ellipses as a timing element, particularly when you want a sentence to trail off with an unstated implication . . .
- Adhere to the rule that “Apostrophe use must be organic.” The technical use of the apostrophe is, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, “The aggregation of protoplasm and chlorophyll-grains on the cell-walls adjacent to other cells, as opposed to epistrophe when they collect on the free cell-walls.” So when a persnickitor screams about it’s as a possessive, just open to the biggest dictionary in the world and point to this page that . . . oh, sorry, I was looking at the wrong page.
- Remember that colons are poorly stacked ellipses. The third spilled ellipsis rolled around until it stopped, and became a period. None of this is true and has nothing to do with punctuation, but the idea is fun to remember, anyway.
- Use quotation to, um, quote. Quotation marks quote and quotation marks mock in varying degrees. Quotation marks do not shout.
- Ponder upon the fact that slash marks are technically known as “virgules.” People who point this out are technically known as “language geeks.” (Doesn’t a virgule sound like an evil supernatural creature in a Laurell Hamilton novel? They could be supernatural slashers! . . . )
- Always punctuate National Punctuation Day with a ® symbol. Cuz.
- Never start a sentence with a comma. Except for sometimes.
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and 
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JohnnyB said,
September 24, 2008 at 7:37 am
This is my favorite period of the year.
SoupAddict Karen said,
September 24, 2008 at 9:08 am
“Quotation marks do not shout.”
Indeed not. We’ve learned from a certain evil being that asterisks apparently indicate shouting. As in, don’t *shout* at me.
“Cheer the beauty of ellipses.” Thank you for that sentiment, as it is my favorite punctuation mark *ever.*
Susan said,
September 24, 2008 at 3:36 pm
We had to study Virgules in our high school Latin class. Arduum sane munus
Jenn said,
September 24, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Um, O.K., are you refering to writing in general, blogging, comments; or what? I ask because the only time I use good puncuation and spelling is on a paper for one of my classes! I love your blog, I read your post about once a week or so.
Bill Brohaugh said,
September 24, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Big question, Jenn (and thanks for the kind words). The key, which you’ve identified, is to write for the audience, toward what communicates most efficiently and what communicates to the reader without distraction. You can be lax in interpersonal communication with a receptive and understanding audience, but the best way to control appropriately “lax” communication is to first master rigid and precise communication. In other words, learn the rules so you know how and when to break them.
Which is why I say “Don’t start a sentence with a comma. Except for sometimes.”
Jenn said,
September 26, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Jenn- (Blushes ackwardly and bows head in shame) I am a great writer when I sit down and apply myself. My knowledge of the English language has greatly assisted me in learning foreign languages. I just get real slack when I blog and leave comments. Thank You, you’ve reminded me that I am still making an impression (however small or big it may be) when I do these tasks.