08.23.08
No members of e-MENSA, these
File under “Jeff and Benjie Go to White Watchtower”
My Everything You Know About English Is Wrong spends a bit of time railing against the persnickitors, the ones whose forehead veins begin to vibrantly throb when they spot a split infinitive (there’s one now! killit! killit!), the ones the ones who attack informal language with an “I don’t like it and therefore you must be punished” attitude, those who believe that a correctly placed apostrophe trumps the importance of historical heritage.
Specific to the latter group, we introduce Jeff Deck and Benjamin Herson, of the Typo Eradication Advancement League, or TEAL. This Pair O’Persnickitation recently toured the country correcting signage and other public displays of misinformed grammar and punctuation, with an unfortunate stop at Grand Canyon National Park. There they visited the historic Desert View Watchtower, designed by Mary Elizabeth Jane Colter and built in 1932. Notes ScienceViews.com, “A perfectionist, Colter scrutinized every detail, down to the placement of nearly every stone. Each stone was handpicked for size and appearance. Weathered faces were left untouched to give the tower an ancient look. With a lavish, highly publicized dedication ceremony, the Watchtower opened in May 1933.”
Colter wasn’t perfectionist enough for our Redactyl Pair. Inside, according to court affidavits (yes! legal proceedings!), Redactyls Deck and Herson found a sign hand-painted by Colter herself. Writes the AP: “Authorities said a diary written by Deck reported that while visiting the watchtower, he and Herson ‘discovered a hand-rendered sign inside that, I regret to report, contained a few errors.’” Oh dear! Such regret! What’s the solution? Perhaps an accompanying handmade sign gently placed next to the original suggesting how it might appear with proper punctuation? No no! We’re talking “eradication” here. Hmm. Yellow lettering on a black background. A marker can eradicate that misplaced apostrophe! A little typewriter correction fluid can insert the apostrophe in its proper place! A comma here . . . ! Such masterful brushstrokes! Redactorial Matisses are we!
Well, they probably didn’t say precisely that, but I suspect their thinking came close. Colter’s sign also misspelled immense as emense, which the AP reports was not fixed because, wrote Mr. Deck:
I was reluctant to disfigure the sign any further. . . . Still, I think I shall be haunted by that perversity, emense, in my train-whistle-blighted dreams tonight.
It’s tough times for the language when people must lose sleep over not defacing national heritage enough.
Back to the affidavits and those authorities getting all persnickitorial about those things known as “laws,” Deck and Herson’s editorial adventure led to their pleading guilty to conspiracy to vandalize government property. They get to pay $3,035 dollars to have Colter’s sign restored (oh, how many train-whistle-blighted nightmares are to ensue? oh, the emensity!). Tag on a year of probation, in which the pair cannot enter national parks, nor can they modify any public signs. A year from now—hey, have at!
Adherence to conventions of grammar and punctuation is a noble pursuit, but in this case, and in many cases where we must allow a changing language, informal layers of communication, and plain ol’ human foibles, sometimes ya just gotta let it slide.
Meantime, the AP reports:
The TEAL Web site now has only this message — “Statement on the signage of our National Parks and public lands to come” — without a period.
We await your statement, Mssrs. Deck and Herson. We trust you will be eloquent in your apology.
Next up—Jeff and Benjie go to the National Archives!
“This is unconscionable! I can’t believe they misspelled British as Brittish! And any whistle-blighted mooncalf knows that you must capitalize United in United States. And hey, Founding Fatheads, we don’t spell it Congrefs anymore—get a dictionary! Nice pen-work, Benjie. And . . . huh? What’s Nicolas Cage doing here?”
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JohnnyB said,
August 23, 2008 at 8:37 am
I saw that story yesterday and could not find any report of what the sign said other than that it contained the word “emense” and had at least one apostrophe and one less comma than it should have.
That aside, your comments are right on.
Bill Brohaugh said,
August 23, 2008 at 9:01 am
I was hoping to find before and after pictures, with no luck. Should anyone spot such visuals, please alert me.
Susan said,
August 23, 2008 at 9:21 am
I read about this over at verbatim. I find the duo amusing and when they ask permission to ‘fix’ a sign, all is well. But changing a historical landmark is not appropriate.
Susan said,
August 23, 2008 at 10:00 am
All along the watchtower
The sign was kept is view
While all the people came and went
Typo eradicators, too
Apostrophes needed in one instance
Commas brought a scowl
Two fixers were approaching
And the government cried
fowlfoulSusan said,
August 23, 2008 at 10:00 am
Well that ‘fowl’ was supposed to have a strikethrough but either the html didn’t take or I got the coding wrong.
Bill Brohaugh said,
August 23, 2008 at 11:37 am
Susan: I fixed the HTML in your post (hilarious, by the way–I was “hearing” Hendrix over Dylan, myself) with a marker and some Liquid Paper without your permission. I hope you don’t mind. But . . . why is the National Park Service at my door?
Seeking permission to fix and subsequent fixing is perfectly acceptable, even noble. And I concede that some of the overblown language quoted may very well be tongue-in-cheek. Folks should read http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/lifestyle/chi-typo-guys-0521may21,0,6902266.story for more depth on the spirit of their journey than this one huge misstep communicates (and go to it if only for the great punnish headline the Trib uses). But there’s fixing and then there’s fixation. My thoughts about sometimes ya just gotta let it slide remain.
Bill Brohaugh said,
August 23, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Found it—here’s a link to a version of the story with the sign in question: http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/08/22/sign.vandals.ap/index.html
Susan said,
August 23, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Another fix :-). Second line ‘is’ should be ‘in’. The typo guys would be busy with me around.